Ten, Maybe a Dozen, Holy Crap! Fifteen signs I'm Becoming Chronologically Enhanced

In my own mind, I’m kinda fabulous and just a lot of fun.  But recently I realized the end of my social day usually coincides with the end of happy hour – about 6PM (I can make it to 7 if I’m at the Dog & Pony, but only because they call it ‘Awesome Hour’). Now while I stop short of calling myself 'mature' I have to admit I am getting older.  This realization prompted me to create this list.  OK, first it prompted me to purchase every age-defying cosmetic in the sale bin at Rite-Aid, but then it prompted me to create this list. Steep yourself a cup of prune tea, and while it cools to lukewarm, read on...

1. I have no idea who most of the nominees on any of the myriad awards show are.  In fact, the only awards recipients I do know are receiving a “lifetime achievement award”.   
2. I know where every public restroom between my house and Boston is located.  And I schedule my beverage intake accordingly.  On a side note, I always have a spare roll of toilet paper in the back of the car.
3. I don’t eat certain foods after 7 at night.  Even if I’m sleeping alone.
4. Every compartment of every purse, and every pocket of every coat contains at least one tissue.  Some unused. 
5. Back when I was a young whippersnapper, after 2 margeritas, and 2 Lemon Drops and a couple Cosmos, and a few of whatever shot had the naughtiest name,  all I wanted to do was go to bed and then go home.  Now, after 2 martinis, and an ice water, all I want to do it go home and go to bed.
6.  I read that doctor’s column up over the crossword puzzle in the Bangor Daily (which I do in pen) and can, at least once a week, find some symptom or issue that I can make apply to me.  
7. If I’ve had a socially active weekend, (which could be anything from a trip to the Farmer’s Market and an afternoon hike to a an overnight escape off the rock) by Sunday night, I have to force myself to stay awake til it gets dark.  
8. AARP emails me on a daily basis.
9. I receive a spam email from the good folks at Hoveround Power Wheelchair and I no longer  think ‘Throw a cupholder on that fat bastard and it’s my courtesy cab.'  Instead I think ‘Oh my stars, I could bedazzle that basket and have quite a sassy ride.'
10. I can answer YES to more than one question on the Hoveround application. 
11. Sometimes the weird sounds that wake me up in the middle of the night are coming from me.
12. I don’t like to text message because it takes too much energy.  
13. My bedtime ritual is actually a ritual. 
14. If I spend more than 10 minutes in the grocery store, I forget where I’ve parked.  If I dally longer than a half hour, I forget what kind of car I drive.
15. I use terms like my stars, whippersnapper, and dally in normal conversation.