Potential Hoarder or Proactive Hostess?

My Sunday started off in  usual ADD fashion.  I went to the gym, came home, took a shower and while in the bathroom noticed I was low on toilet paper.  This happens on a regular basis now that my firstborn is home visiting (by the way, visiting turned into squatting about a week ago, but I still love  him like I get a deduction for him).  Well the need for toilet paper was good news.  Since I had no social plans for Sunday (it was a theme I started Saturday and just kinda ran with) that would be great excuse to make a trip to the big city and maybe indulge in a bigass Double Quarter Pounder with cheese, thereby offsetting any benefit of the aforementioned visit to the gym.  While I am a career Attention Deficit gal, I try to be a functional one, so I figured I should take stock of my kitchen cupboards and the fridge to see what else I should pick up at the market.  Which triggered cleaning the fridge.   I have a couple of rules - if I can't remember when I brought it home, or if it's all fuzzy and/or smelly, it has to go. You'd be amazed at how often and in how many different situations I can apply these rules.  Cleaning the fridge led to rooting through the cupboards, which developed into rummaging through drawers and making a sweep of the fabulously appointed bungalow to see what could go to Goodwill.

About 2:30, I proudly surveyed the 2 solidly full (as in Test-the-Flex-limits full) Febreeze-scented trash bags, the big green bag of retirement fund ready for the CLYNX bin, a box of things to drop at Goodwill and then screech off before they see what crap it really is, and a stack of stuff for which  I had not yet decided on a new home.   I  realized that lunchtime grocery  trip to Ellsworth was not gonna happen. I also realized I am about 2 molecules away from being a hoarder.

Once I cleaned out cupboards, shelves and drawers and started reloading them  with some semblance of order, I had amassed 27 boxes of Jell-O (in assorted shot-worthy flavors), about 500 regulation-sized Jell-o shot cups, 8 packs of birthday candles,  a dozen or so packages of cocktail napkins with hilarious cartoons mostly involving elderly women, hotflashes and wine,  a bag of feathers (??) a Ziplock bags full of cocktail umbrellas and frilly toothpicks, mounds of colored bead necklaces, a couple hundred Solo (mostly red, some blue) cups,and a three-pack of condoms that was inexplicably tucked into the gift-wrap drawer.   

As I surveyed the rather festive pile of stuff that I really didn't have a designated home for  my thoughts turned away from me (just for a second) to the news coverage of the recent storm damage down the seaboard, and then my thoughts turned  right back to me. 

What if a big storm slams into the island, and renders the fabulously appointed bungalow not so fabulous?  And what if the damage is extensive enough to warrant news coverage? What are people going to think when they see this pile of stuff  on the nightly news?  Are they going to think I'm some sort of Jell-o addicted, plastic cup jonesing, boob-flashing, cartoon napkin wielding, yet still fertile, freak with a tickle fetish? 

I'll tell you what they are going to think.   They are going to think this is a freaking awesome party place to while away the hours while they sing 'Like A Good Neighbor' and wait for the claims adjusters to appear.  And they will flock here in droves, or whatever vehicle they drive.

I just  hope they bring their own toilet paper.

Random sampling
 

Oh wait, condoms in the gift wrap drawer.  Now it makes sense.