But I Digress

This will make sense in a bit

If I learned anything  from my unfortunate jury duty Facebook post a couple months back – which was freaking hilarious but is gone now- it is that everything we put on line is being watched.  Not to worry, dear fan, if you weren’t lucky enough to see the post during the 2 hours it was online, I plan to recreate it in my autobiography.  I already have the title:  ‘How to get fired from a $10 a day job’.  But I digress.   On a side note, I am toying with the idea of putting a followup jury duty post on about not yet receiving my 15 cents a mile travel check for those 2 trips to the court house, in the hopes the same eagle-eyed investigators will pick up the hint and forward payment with accrued interest, but I am not quite ready to poke that particular monkey.  But I digress.  I should put that on a tee-shirt.

Back to my observation about pop-ups.  Recently I was searching online for a bridesmaid dress for a friend’s wedding.  I guess the friend’s part is a given --  I would never attend a stranger’s wedding-- as a bridesmaid.  That would just be odd.  Although that would get me to the head table with the good service.  Immediately I started seeing pop-up ads for bridal gowns,  shoes, honeymoons, wedding gift registries.  After a couple attempts at online shopping, which were all returned promptly and with much frustration,  I bought a dress off a sale rack at a shop in Bangor in a size that made me cry.  I mean really, I strutted in to that shop feeling slightly sassy in size 8 jeans and a nice blouse.  An hour later I skulked out, not unlike Quasimodo, dragging a size 18 tent – you gals who think having big boobs is a good thing – not so much.  But I digress.

Haven't seen him around.

Anyhoo, what was I rambling about?  Oh yeah, popup ads.  Since I didn’t order any bridal attire online, the little trolls who live in my computer decided my social life must have hit the skids and have started decorating the side of my email and Facebook pages with ads for dating sites.  And the photos of the ‘single men in my area’ looking for a girlfriend are lovely, really lovely.  All handsome, charming men with sparkling eyes, thick hair, and warm, sincere smiles.   Let me just say, that I am not yet needing to test the online dating waters, but these popups got me to thinking.  And since I am by nature a cynical person  (that comes from years of expecting the worst and usually getting it) I look at these pictures and channel McDonald’s ads.  You know what I mean.  The  Big Mac in the glossy photo is a tall, steamy, vibrant, juicy hunk of beef (now the picture makes sense).  In reality, what you’re gonna get after you plunk down your money  is something seedy, cheesy, greasy, limp, smashed and living in a cardboard box.  I should probably stop by McDonald’s today and get one of those Big Macs – it’ll make a nice picture for the blog.  Ooh, and some fries. I’d love a shake, but they are not the same now that they come topped with a load of really crappy whipped cream.  Why the hell would they ruin a perfectly good chocolate shake?  But I di…. oh just read the tee-shirt.  The damned size 18 Triple XL tee shirt.